Alone/Lonely

In this time of Covid, a lot of us are realising how our home life affects us. We might be finding that the kids get on our nerves more, or that our partners irritate us beyond belief. Or you might be feeling grateful for the time it had made for you to be able to relax and spend time with those closest to you. For most of us, it’s a mixture of the two. But what about those who live alone?

I consider myself alone as I live with my (very) independent teen, who spends their time in their bedroom or with friends, resolutely ignoring me. I have no other adults around me and my family are far away. My friends are scattered, like seeds in the wind. So I have had to spend a lot of time on my own, alone – and sometimes lonely.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be alone. I have caught up with all those films and series that I’ve been wanting to watch for ages – when I lived with a partner there was always needing to be compromise; I felt like I shouldn’t watch back-to-back Superhero films, or documentaries on Serial Killers, surely there was something better I could do with my life? But now I can watch anything! I can sit in my pyjamas and not do my hair. I can eat ice cream from the tub and microwave popcorn without sharing (maybe with the teen). There are lots of things I can do, or not do, it is entirely up to me. No judgement.

I can sit in silence. Or I can listen to my music. I can chat to my cat or ignore a call. I can light candles and read books and take long baths and nobody bothers me. This is all great, right? I’m really selling to you the idea of solitude and eating a full pack of biscuits?

Except.

Except.

Last night I had a dream. It was a simple dream. The dream was that someone I loved smiled at me, kissed me and held me tight. That was it. So simple.

And I woke up remembering that feeling. I turned over in a big empty bed and thought about all the wonderful things that I could do today. I tried to forget that physical memory, the lingering feeling of safety, the smell of their neck, the warm blossom of happiness and love. The way I was looked at.

Then I got up. I tried to forget. I shook off the thought that maybe..just maybe…. I was missing something.

I went to the kitchen. I had a wonderful coffee and breakfast and I turned on the TV. It was too quiet without it.

How do you find living on your own? Do you yearn for physical contact? Do you talk to your pets? Are you lonely?

T.B.C…


12 thoughts on “Alone/Lonely

  1. Nice post, and yes, these are truly lonely times. I have spent a good amount of it getting to know God better, and it has been a rewarding experience. God is the only one who can help us in such times and at all times. Here is a suggestion, how about you pray to God today and see what that’s like, it could be fun.

    Now, if you get really interested and want to keep going, I have a post that can help here: https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/
    You can check out the blog post above.

    May God’s blessing be with you, Amen. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are so humbled that our writing resonates with our readers. We are not alone in the way that we feel or experience life – that in one way makes us not feel alone. Thank you for stopping by and commenting x

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  2. Your dream perhaps is sending you a message of what your true feelings are — despite being happy with solitude, you know deep inside you are missing something. I hope you find your true happiness in this challenging time 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on our post. Yes we believe that the dream could be suggesting to us just how much we miss being in the company of those we love – or the person we love. X

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    1. It is isnt it? It all feels a little harder now with covid too – not being able to hug ot touch friends and with loved one beings so far away… you crave what you dont have. Thanks for stopping by Lisa . Hope you’re enjoying your office garden xx

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  3. This was beautifully haunting. The need for physical attention from other humans is something that everyone craves every so often.
    I don’t live on my own but I spend a lot of time on my own due to my mental health. I feel lonely when my mental health gets out of control for the fact no one can connect with me. But maybe that is my fault. Oh and I always speak to Mr Buster 😂😂 whether he wants to listen or not.

    Thank you for your words and sharing them with us

    Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Libby – its great to hear from you. It creeps up on us doesnt it and sometimes its hard to shake the feeling. Theres that saying – you can be in a group of people abd still feel alone. Blogging helps – we find out that there are like minded people x

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